Mary’s Story

There once was a little girl named Mary. Mary was a happy little 4 year old, curly blonde-headed, green eyed, tiny girl who lived in a big house with her 2 brothers, a sister, a mother, grandmother, grandfather and 2 uncles.

One day, while Mary was taking a nap, her older brother tiptoed into their shared bedroom and awakened her. He did some inappropriate things to her and it confused her. While this was happening, their grandmother walked into the bedroom and witnessed what was happening. The grandmother shamed Mary, placing the blame on her, because boys can do no wrong. It must be Mary’s fault. The grandmother let the boy exit the bedroom, and then proceeded to discipline the little girl for being so evil. Mary wasn’t a happy little girl anymore. Mary became the scapegoat and whipping post. The grandmother used shoes, willow switches and hairbrushes, while one of the uncles preferred to use belts. Mary soon felt that if everyone else thought she was evil and needed to be punished, then she MUST be evil. She soon learned to despise herself. She found a wooden paddle that used to have a ball attached to it, and also found several nails belonging to her grandfather. One day, she drove those nails into that paddle, and turned the paddle on herself to purge the evil from herself. She wouldn’t feel any relief until she drew blood. She repeated this process often over the next several years.

Mary became older and did well in school, learning to be a meek, compliant child. Once her grandfather died and both of her uncles moved out and found wives, Mary and her brothers, sister and mother also moved out and left her grandmother all alone in that big house. She was relieved to be rescued from the hands of an angry grandmother. That relief was shortlived, though.

By this time, Mary was a pre-teen and the older brother was in his teens and much bigger and stronger than she. He had so much rage stored up inside of him and had such a distorted view of femalekind. Mary again became his target. He would force himself on her, and when she resisted, he would slam her head against the wall and attempt to suffocate the life out of her. She had graduated from using the paddle by this time, and began pulling out clumps of her hair. It became a habit, she had done it so often. When girls in her Sunday School class noticed large bald spots and open wounds on top of her scalp, they screamed, humiliated and shamed her. She wanted to die.

Shortly after that time, the bullying brother moved out on his own. She thought she was finally safe. Then her own mother began beating her, after suffering a psychotic breakdown. Mary was beaten by a metal rod on her arm and neck. She ran up to a neighbor’s house and called the police, but refused to file a report against her own mother. She loved her mother. She just was tired of the abuse. Around that same time, Mary’s sister began hanging around with some neighborhood bullies who introduced her to cigarettes, drugs and alcohol and theft. She pulled a knife on Mary one afternoon, on the schoolbus, and they got into a catfight on that bus. That was the last time Mary ever saw her sister. The sister ran away halfway across the country and was placed into a juvenile detention center.

Things finally started quieting down at home, now that the bully brother and sister were gone. Mary got along very amicably with her younger brother, yet their mother would still have psychotic episodes at times. Mary sought escape through immersing herself in school and her church. She loved church and especially the choir. It was her refuge from the storms raging at home. But Mary was sad, all the same. Once, while at church, she walked into the kitchen and pilfered a long knife from a drawer. After about an hour of about 20 kitchen workers staring at her in silence as she kept gazing at that knife, the pastor walked up to her and escorted her into his office, taking the knife away. All she could do is cry and all he wanted to do was comfort her. He understood the pain she felt.

Later that same year, while in the Sunday School area of the church, one of the deacons noticed Mary’s sadness and entered the room, closing the door. Although Mary liked this deacon, who was also an adult choir member, he violated the trust she had in him by being inappropriate with her. After the church service was over, Mary pulled the pastor aside and told him what the deacon had done to her. The pastor assured her he would take care of the matter. The next Sunday, the deacon was still a deacon and still sitting in the choir. Nothing was done. Mary felt betrayed.

Several years later, Mary graduated college. This was her moment to find a way to escape the abuse. So she joined the military to get away from her dysfunctional life. She was ill-equipped for life outside of her little world, though. She married the first guy who proposed, and they soon had a little girl of their own. But her husband proved to be an alcoholic who preferred the company of men, soliciting men, and charges were pressed against him. He was removed from duty and removed from the military base. Mary filed for divorce.

Five years later, Mary’s older brother showed up at her doorstep. He asked her if he could stay at her place for awhile, until he found himself employment and a place of his own. She knew this was the same brother who had bullied and violated her so many years earlier, yet she still forgave him and consented to letting him stay with her temporarily. One day, when Mary had to spend a week away from home for military duty, she gave her brother strict instructions to take care of her little girl. When she returned home at the end of that week, the little girl told her privately what happened while she was gone. Mary’s brother had violated her little girl too! He was then kicked out of the apartment, child protective services was called and he was banned from base. Mary put her little girl in counseling.

Shortly after that time, Mary met a new love interest and was once again pregnant. She was very smitten with this young man, and they talked of marriage. Then Mary’s mother flew up for a visit. She met, and instantly despised Mary’s new boyfriend. Her mother had another psychotic episode and Mary’s boyfriend broke off their relationship. He moved back to his hometown, halfway across the country.

Mary’s mother, on her journey back to her own home, stopped at a hotel and overdosed on sleeping pills. She was found and placed in a psychiatric unit of a hospital. Mary called all over the country trying to find out where her mother had disappeared to. Once her mother was located, Mary called the boyfriend who had just abandoned her, hoping for some comfort. She thought she was talking to his mother on the end of the phone, since he had told her he lived with his parents. It turned out to be his wife Mary was talking to. Later that same evening, the former boyfriend returned Mary’s phone call and confessed that he was married, that his wife could not bear any children and that he admitted to her that he was cheating on her. Mary was devastated. She picked up the shattered pieces and moved on.

Mary gave birth to her beautiful new son, alone. She had no visitors at the hospital as she recuperated from her c-section. She nursed him, and was raising him alone, as best she could. It became too overwhelming financially for her, though, because she couldn’t afford to pay her childcare bills. The baby’s father refused to support the baby. Because of these financial difficulties, she began getting in trouble from her supervisor and commanding officer. Mary decided the best thing for her to do was to give up her military life and temporarily move back home to her mother, along with her 2 children. She reasoned that they would only stay there at her mother’s house until she secured employment elsewhere and found her own place of residence.

In the meantime, the baby’s father and his wife decided that since his wife couldn’t conceive a child, they would take and raise Mary’s son as their own. After all, they reasoned, it WAS his son, too. Several months after leaving the military and moving to her mother’s home with her children, Mary had emergency surgery to remove a rupturing gallbladder. The day after she returned home from the hospital after the surgery, she received a summons for a child custody case. In due time, the judge dismissed the case. Mary found a job and moved to a new apartment with her children. Things settled down and were once again happy and peaceful for them.

After a couple of years of peaceful silence, a social worker and an investigator came to Mary’s door, with a complaint alleging that Mary’s 8 year old daughter was raping and sodomizing the 2 year old son. This was a new child custody case rife with false allegations targeting Mary’s daughter. The son’s father secured a high-powered attorney, sparing no expense and the judge presiding over the case was a well-known woman-hater who was retiring as soon as the case was over. The father’s attorney was to be promoted as the replacement judge after that case.

Mary lost her son that day, due to dishonesty, perjurous testimony, conflict of interest and a judge’s last chance to stick it to womankind. “In the best interest of the child, just in case the accusations were true”. Mary was also ordered to pay child support to the father, in the amount of $300 per month.

Unable to endure anymore, Mary attempted to end her life. She was hospitalized for 3 months and had 6 ECT (shock treatments). She was denied communication with her son, by the father. She was also denied court ordered visitation. Contempt charges were filed but ignored. Over the years, it took its toll on Mary. She suffered major clinical depression with suicidal ideations, anxiety, PTSD, ulcers from the esophagus to the duodenum and a host of other debilitating disabilities. This time she started cutting. She was searching for relief and a method of release.
It was during this darkest time in her life that she turned her eyes back toward her Savior. She slowly began to heal as He cradled her in His arms, comforting her. Over time, she became stronger and stronger in her faith. He was teaching her patience and trust. What that man did was meant for evil. But God turned it into good. It brought Mary back to Him, restoring her faith and total dependence upon Him. He again gave her hope and joy.

Mary never did get her son back, but now her son is a man and is no longer living near his father. Her son is now married and serving his country in the military. Love was never lost between Mary and her son, and they are in communication with each other and occasionally visit each other whenever possible. At times, the inner pain comes back, but the pain has lessened.

I’ve finally come to a place in my Spiritual journey where I can now Thank God for all of the abuse I’ve had to go through. Like I said, what they had meant for evil, God is using for good. Many good things came out of this! My son’s dad was caught cheating again on his wife, she kicked him out and divorced him, taking half of his business. As for me, I have turned this into an opportunity to become a Child Advocate, reporting cases of child abuse, neglect, kidnappings, exploitation and/or murder.

What they all did to me was damage my spirit, my inner being. What I did to myself was damage to my physical body. The Lord has restored my soul. But parts of my body can never be restored. Some parts were so badly damaged that they had to be surgically removed. I will go no further about that. It’s between me and the Lord. However, I am finally at a place in my life where am eagerly awaiting and watching for that Glorious Day when He will transform my body into one that is incorruptible and eternal, and will take me Home to be with Him. I am finally at peace.